There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
