i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
