Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
