So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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