He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize