I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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