barbara walters just said penis...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
