some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
