Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
