I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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