real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
jump out the window naked night went bad
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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