and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
