I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
