Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
