"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
