I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
