Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
