they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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