Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize