So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
