How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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