we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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