eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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