i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
