Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
