Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize