i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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