dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
