just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
