Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He felt like a one man threesome
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Randomize
