Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
