Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
