Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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