Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize