Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
