I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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