Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
