Your face is a jimmy john
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
