when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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