Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize