I never want to see another naked old woman again.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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