OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
