Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
