I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
