she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
