This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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