I'm so fucking centered right now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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