As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
