Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
