She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
