: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
