My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
