You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
