margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
