If i could tip my vagina, i would.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
