I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
