VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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