You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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