Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
