I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
