I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
