Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
