Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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