I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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