i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
