I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
