I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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