Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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