I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
