On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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