I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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