Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
