You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
