I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
